I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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