Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
