I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
