I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
