I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
