Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
