so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
