Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
