yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
