It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
