just tell him i said nine months
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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