he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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