Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
