Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
