I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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