I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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