i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am spending my child support on dildos
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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