It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
