My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
