It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
