The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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