If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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