There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
