if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
