It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
