So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
