4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we made out on top of his cat.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
