I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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