I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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