? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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