So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
