I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
