remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
