I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
