this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
