I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
