Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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