He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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