I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
dude. I can hear the air.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
