All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
