Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
