Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
