your room smells of hookers.
And success
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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