Only a mothe r could love this liver
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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