taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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