then he tried to convert me to islam
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
