the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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