Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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