You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
