i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
