Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
