She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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